I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Drunk is not a location!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
