SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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