With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
