3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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