You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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