I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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