and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Someone signed my nipple.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
