Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
