Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
