So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Congratulations! We have a period
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