so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We have started to decorate penises.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
