she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
