it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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