uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My vagina just recognized that song.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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