At least make sure they are 18
Why
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
