So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Randomize
