Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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