I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
