New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
