We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize