Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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