she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
