my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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