I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just pee around me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
