just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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