Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
