Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
