Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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