If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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