yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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