Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize