So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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