when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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