epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
why is half of my head shaved?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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