the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
