Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I believe in your delicious
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
