k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
