True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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