I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
