im drinking this country out of the recession.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
