u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
