using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
