I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
