On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize