Sponge bath it is.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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