I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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