just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
