It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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