So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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