So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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