She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
