I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
