Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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