I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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