College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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