I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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