Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize