you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
