Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize