Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
