The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
