I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
