Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
