I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
