These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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