I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
