toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize