And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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