The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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