I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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