i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
