my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize