if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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